I have no motivation to do much today, but I dragged my behind out of bed several hours ago, sucked it up, and started moving around. I missed one week posting an update and didn't want to again.
Weight: 391.4
BMI: 71.59
Not as much as I'd hope, but also not bad for changing medications that affect weight loss. I went off my anti-anxiety medication a few weeks back (at the doctor's orders) and the potential to gain weight was high. I suppose a slight loss is better than an astronomical gain. :)
11.01.2010
10.25.2010
Monday Weigh-In
I didn't have much time for posting last week. Big test at school and some problems with anxiety doubled up on me and I wound up being off-line entirely.
Weight: 392.5
BMI: 71.79
Still a long way to go, but three pounds over the course of two weeks isn't bad. I'll be deconstructing my diet some this week hopefully, to evaluate it and make sure I continue not to cheat.
Have a great week folks!
Weight: 392.5
BMI: 71.79
Still a long way to go, but three pounds over the course of two weeks isn't bad. I'll be deconstructing my diet some this week hopefully, to evaluate it and make sure I continue not to cheat.
Have a great week folks!
10.11.2010
Monday Weigh-In
Haven't posted much because this past week was... bad. My anxiety has been something awful, and I've barely been online (even that's too difficult) because of it. Still, I made a commitment to do this, and so I shall.
Today's weight: 395 pounds
Current BMI: 72.25
Total Lost: 12 pounds
Still not as much as I was expecting, but it's going back down, at least. I'll be keeping a much closer eye on it this week, as well, which will be easier to do once my meds transition, hopefully.
A total loss of 12 pounds in roughly a month isn't terrible, though, and I should remember that as I keep going down the scale. :)
Today's weight: 395 pounds
Current BMI: 72.25
Total Lost: 12 pounds
Still not as much as I was expecting, but it's going back down, at least. I'll be keeping a much closer eye on it this week, as well, which will be easier to do once my meds transition, hopefully.
A total loss of 12 pounds in roughly a month isn't terrible, though, and I should remember that as I keep going down the scale. :)
10.04.2010
Monday Weigh-In
Today's weight was a bit higher than I expected - 397.5. It's a gain from last week, which is puzzling since I lost about an inch in my waist and also started exercising more. I'm wondering if some food snuck in that shouldn't have. Time to keep a closer eye on everything!
Rather than be discouraged, I'll track my habits closer. It is entirely possible I'm eating without realizing it, or not meeting my exercise goals. Now...time for a walk. :)
Current Weight: 397.5
Current BMI: 72.7
Rather than be discouraged, I'll track my habits closer. It is entirely possible I'm eating without realizing it, or not meeting my exercise goals. Now...time for a walk. :)
Current Weight: 397.5
Current BMI: 72.7
9.29.2010
Cleaning
I've spent much of today cleaning my apartment but also my thoughts. I've a lot on my mind. Mostly I'm reconnecting with old friends I haven't spoken to in years... waiting for them to respond is difficult. Right now, a lot of my life is spent waiting while I focus on the few things I can change. I can't finish school immediately, or instantly be at my goal weight, but instead I can only focus on the now and make the most of what is here before it's gone.
The apartment my ex-husband lived in is, quite honestly, a mess. When he first said he wanted a divorce, I slept elsewhere while he promised he was taking care of it. I'm sure you can see where this is going... about sixty or so (no exaggeration there sadly) 30 gallon bags of garbage later, it's almost clean, even though there are yet still more bags waiting. It makes me angry - angry at myself for the most part, for letting things get this bad, even though I didn't live here. Angry at myself for letting my body wind up in a similar fashion.
I can't change the past or be in the future, so right now I focus on being happy that I am alive, have somewhere to live, and have the physical ability to clean, and the desire to change it for the better.
The apartment my ex-husband lived in is, quite honestly, a mess. When he first said he wanted a divorce, I slept elsewhere while he promised he was taking care of it. I'm sure you can see where this is going... about sixty or so (no exaggeration there sadly) 30 gallon bags of garbage later, it's almost clean, even though there are yet still more bags waiting. It makes me angry - angry at myself for the most part, for letting things get this bad, even though I didn't live here. Angry at myself for letting my body wind up in a similar fashion.
I can't change the past or be in the future, so right now I focus on being happy that I am alive, have somewhere to live, and have the physical ability to clean, and the desire to change it for the better.
9.27.2010
Monday Weigh-In & Neural Plasticity
Today's weight: 396.6
BMI: 72.54
The next mini-goal will be to reach 375 pounds by the end of November. It may seem like a long time given the fast weight loss these two weeks, but I'd rather aim low then aim too high and set the bar to something unachievable. I know myself all too well, and it's way too easy to throw off the steady pace in a fit of despair and eat everything in sight.
The past week has been stressful. The good kind of stress, but still stress nonetheless. I ate far too many carbs yesterday - three cups of fruit which is a lot of sugar for me, but it helped stave off crabings for Bad Things. I've found cooking everything makes for a much easier time of sticking to what food is best for me, versus winging it.
Some temptations are simply too great. We have a tremendous pizza restaurant nearby, and I simply can't go. I just don't eat correctly if I do - so I stay home or suggest alternatives if a friend wants to visit. I don't expect that this will last forever after habits are more correctly formed. Right now I would definitely binge. I can easily eat 10-20k, and yes I mean ten to twenty thousand, calories a day when I find the right mix my addiction desires. For now, I will eat a bit of extra fruit instead and be happy that I made a better choice, even if it's not the "perfect" one.
And it's true, that old habits don't have to last forever, thanks to everyone's friend neural plasticity. The human brain is a curious creature, and has the ability to grow and change depending on what we do or think. This is called neural plasticity. Even visualizing things very clearly has the effect on altering brain structure; if you make yourself believe something, the brain changes according to this. It's the reasons that pianists were found to have more brain mass in the areas controlling physical dexterity and precision, why the brain can recover so adamantly (and surprisingly) after trauma both physical and mental, and also one of many reasons that weight loss can be such a pain in the ass.
It takes several months to make a new pathway in the brain. I've read somewhere in the range of six to nine months. Now, during those six months or what have you, the important thing is not merely doing the habit you wish to form, it's posting reminders to yourself, visualizing the outcome in a positive and attractive way that makes you desire it, and even if you divert from it, to immediately get back on track. Many aspects of our behavior are in fact unconsciously done for us on our behalf by our brains, and this is why willpower alone, while an important key, cannot be the only ingredient in success when changing a very ingrained habit.
Now it's true once the pathways are formed that the old pathway exists, as well. Still, once the new roads are paved, acting as you want to becomes more second nature.
Sorry for rambling, but it's fascinating stuff. I take responsibility for my huge weight gain, as I should, but the heart of the matter is that anyone can change if they really want to. The thing I'm trying to say I guess, is that you have to actually want change or it won't happen.
BMI: 72.54
The next mini-goal will be to reach 375 pounds by the end of November. It may seem like a long time given the fast weight loss these two weeks, but I'd rather aim low then aim too high and set the bar to something unachievable. I know myself all too well, and it's way too easy to throw off the steady pace in a fit of despair and eat everything in sight.
The past week has been stressful. The good kind of stress, but still stress nonetheless. I ate far too many carbs yesterday - three cups of fruit which is a lot of sugar for me, but it helped stave off crabings for Bad Things. I've found cooking everything makes for a much easier time of sticking to what food is best for me, versus winging it.
Some temptations are simply too great. We have a tremendous pizza restaurant nearby, and I simply can't go. I just don't eat correctly if I do - so I stay home or suggest alternatives if a friend wants to visit. I don't expect that this will last forever after habits are more correctly formed. Right now I would definitely binge. I can easily eat 10-20k, and yes I mean ten to twenty thousand, calories a day when I find the right mix my addiction desires. For now, I will eat a bit of extra fruit instead and be happy that I made a better choice, even if it's not the "perfect" one.
And it's true, that old habits don't have to last forever, thanks to everyone's friend neural plasticity. The human brain is a curious creature, and has the ability to grow and change depending on what we do or think. This is called neural plasticity. Even visualizing things very clearly has the effect on altering brain structure; if you make yourself believe something, the brain changes according to this. It's the reasons that pianists were found to have more brain mass in the areas controlling physical dexterity and precision, why the brain can recover so adamantly (and surprisingly) after trauma both physical and mental, and also one of many reasons that weight loss can be such a pain in the ass.
It takes several months to make a new pathway in the brain. I've read somewhere in the range of six to nine months. Now, during those six months or what have you, the important thing is not merely doing the habit you wish to form, it's posting reminders to yourself, visualizing the outcome in a positive and attractive way that makes you desire it, and even if you divert from it, to immediately get back on track. Many aspects of our behavior are in fact unconsciously done for us on our behalf by our brains, and this is why willpower alone, while an important key, cannot be the only ingredient in success when changing a very ingrained habit.
Now it's true once the pathways are formed that the old pathway exists, as well. Still, once the new roads are paved, acting as you want to becomes more second nature.
Sorry for rambling, but it's fascinating stuff. I take responsibility for my huge weight gain, as I should, but the heart of the matter is that anyone can change if they really want to. The thing I'm trying to say I guess, is that you have to actually want change or it won't happen.
9.23.2010
Test #1
Had my first Psych exam today... and apparently got a perfect score, I just found out! I'm so excited. Between that and the weightloss, I feel like I'm flying today!
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