Cleaning

I've spent much of today cleaning my apartment but also my thoughts.  I've a lot on my mind.  Mostly I'm reconnecting with old friends I haven't spoken to in years... waiting for them to respond is difficult.  Right now, a lot of my life is spent waiting while I focus on the few things I can change.  I can't finish school immediately, or instantly be at my goal weight, but instead I can only focus on the now and make the most of what is here before it's gone.


The apartment my ex-husband lived in is, quite honestly, a mess.  When he first said he wanted a divorce, I slept elsewhere while he promised he was taking care of it.  I'm sure you can see where this is going...  about sixty or so (no exaggeration there sadly) 30 gallon bags of garbage later, it's almost clean, even though there are yet still more bags waiting.  It makes me angry - angry at myself for the most part, for letting things get this bad, even though I didn't live here.  Angry at myself for letting my body wind up in a similar fashion.

I can't change the past or be in the future, so right now I focus on being happy that I am alive, have somewhere to live, and have the physical ability to clean, and the desire to change it for the better.